| Tough times. |
"If you're going through hell... Keep going." - Winston Churchill
This week has been tough on me and unfortunately it won't get easier any time soon. My partner of three years, Tyler, has ended our relationship... By phone none-the-less. I had not been dealt the easiest of cards in my early teens so I've experienced a lot of hurt and pain but nothing like this. My body physically hurts, I can't seem to get this ugly situation out of my head for long and I know that the only thing that is going to make it hurt less is time. Relativity being what it is though, because I shall want time to pass so I can stop hurting as much, it'll go slower. That's irony for you.
However, since last I experienced any hardship close to this I have come so, so far. I am much stronger, braver and give a damn about myself this time round. I will rise from the ashes as I have always done and always will do, it'll just take time. Right now I am in the state of shock which I think may be the worst state because I go for a little time thinking nothing has changed then I remember and break down. It's normal though because I honestly thought this would never happen. I will be okay, more than okay, just not for a while.
In regards to horses, the only change is that I'm not sure how/if I will get to Arran's clinics because I relied on Tyler's mum to trailer the horse(s). I have no idea what I'll do because a professional hauler (I haven't doubled checked yet but from what I've heard off a friend) will set me back about £120 for a return journey for just 30 miles because it's not a day trip. I'll just hope that someone is generous enough to help me out and keep my fingers crossed.
Thank goodness I have Lily, my friends and family to lean on right now. I have no idea what I'd do to busy myself/focus on right now if I didn't do Parelli. For now I'm going to submerge myself into my horsemanship and uni course and 'just keep swimming' as Dorey would say off finding Nemo, heh. I gotta let myself hurt when I need to but not too much to the extent that it hinders rather than helps.
Today, I went out, took a deep breath before I got out of the car to clear any thoughts that weren't about Lily. She came straight to me and we played with purity of gait/confidence in higher gaits, she did so well and I didn't let what's going on in other aspects of my life affect my emotions/judgement for one second. So, for that, I'm proud of myself as well as Lily. Hooray for emotional fitness! |
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Today I went up and spent a while continuing on UDT from yesterday, she was a bit better to catch but there had been shooting going on so she was feeling a little fragile. Every now and then I'd look at her face and her eyes would just be glazed over, introverted and really as if there was a barrier in between us. I was a little disheartened but we've only really been connecting properly for the past few months so it is unrealistic of me to expect her to drop all her emotional baggage right away. I've got to have patience and understand that it's going to take time for Lily to fully trust me and be at ease that no matter what is going on, she's safe 'cause I'm there. I just gave her a stroke, gently practised my drive and draw to improve our catching and left it at that.
I went to the car, took the dogs out for a walk around the countriside by my yard and I came back to see Lily just before I came home. She walked up to me really enthusiastically with such elevation that I just sensed she wanted to play so we played 'stick to me' at liberty. She was left-brain, not straying from my side in walk and trot and as I jogged back to draw her to me, not expecting a lot, she trotted straight to me. Ears forwards, asking a question, her eyes looked completely different than before, feeling a lot more extroverted. She has never trotted straight to me at liberty and it just felt amazing. Horses are always full of surprises! :) |
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| Four and half hours worth of play to be documented - LONG! |
Today was such a beautiful day that I spent four and a half hours up at the yard! The time just flew, it was so mild that I was able to be out in just a vest and long sleeved t-shirt, it was great. As I drove up over the hill and looked across to the yard, Lily was cantering around so I was wondering what my birdbrain was up to. As I got there, turns out she was just kicking up her heels because Spring is on the way and she was feeling good! I spent a good 15 minutes trying to draw her in with very little success so once I got her to even take one step in my direction I retreated and went to go read the new Savvy Times on my tire pedestal. It didn't interest her enough to come over but it gave her time to come off adrenaline and have a more obedient attitude. I managed to draw her in to catch me but I just didn't feel the mental yield or 'click' - she was coming because she either knew she'd get a treat or she felt she had to. Its a bit hard to fully explain but recently I've had to go 80% of the way for her to come the 20% and I knew that was something I had to address. I played the catching game for about 5 minutes but her heart just wasn't in it. I wracked my brains to figure out why we had this barrier, if I'd done anything different recently and the only thing I could think of was that I had thrown the 12ft line over her withers the past 3 times I caught her. That wouldn't be an issue with many horses but this is how sensitive and easily-offended Lily can be. I decided that it wasn't either the techniques or even the timing that were causing the issue - it was the attitude. I thought I'd play a bit and then really put in some quality time with her afterwards.
So after playing the base games, checking brakes, sensitivity, emotions and responsiveness; we played more with the Friendly Game in zone 4/5 concept. I started out by driving her around playing follow the rail, they're in a different field from Tuesday so Lily may've had a whole bunch of threshold issues sticking to the fence that goes around the road but she was fine. I then started tapping her rhythmically working from poll to quarters then retreat, advance from poll to loins and retreat... Gradually going further back and getting her desensitised and calm with the carrotstick touching more sensitive areas. Of course, this technique/task would be awful for a horse that is unresponsive and desensitised but because Lily is so delicate and sensitive, it is helping her become braver and less sensitive when needed. She remembered this from Tuesday and within minutes I was able to tap and rub her rump and above the hock with ease on both sides, I was so pleased because usually it takes a lot of refreshing her memory for things that could be seen as scary. Things were going so well that I decided to make me 22ft line into two reins and play Friendly Game/Driving/Porcupine with those!
Of course, as we started out and I dropped the outside rein around her hiney, she was a little tense and glarey eyed but because I started on her best side (left), she soon settled. We moseyed here, there and everywhere whilst I rubbed both reins against her legs and swapped onto the right side to make sure play was equal on both sides. I then played with asking her to play with lateral yielding whilst I was in zone 5 and asking her to move her HQs over - this was tough for her because moving her HQs away meant she had to press her body against one of the reins. Although I moved the outside rein out as far as I could, it is still a claustrophobic and potentially too much pressure for some horses. Last time I tried, it was too much for Lily and as a result it knocked confidence out of the both of us. Today though, I took active steps in making sure I was setting it up for succes and I regularly checked her body language for any signs of reluctance or tension, lifting her tail is a great way to check if she's calm although I really wouldn't advise doing that if your horse obviously does look right brain! lol. At this point I just felt really connected with her. The mutual trust was there, even a few times she backed up into me and bumped me with her big ol' butt and I trusted that she wouldn't boot heck out of me, she trusted that I would not put too much pressure on her or be inconsiderate about her thresholds. It was really cool! After a good few yields on both sides, I decided to quit whilst the going was great.
The remaining 2 and a bit hours complete UDT, the weather was just so good, I had lunch with me and nothing else I'd rather do. I knew that if she isn't keen on coming to catch me when I arrive, something in the relationship is missing or broken. At first she just kept licking me to try and get a treat of out me, I didn't give her one because I'd be rewarding her for pestering me. I only gave her one when I felt she deserved it and didn't feel pressured to by her. I saw a huge shift in our relationship after our session and I could rub her allover her body without resistance or tension which is something that hasn't happened before. Her head stayed lower than her withers for all of it, I remember a time when I just could not get her to relax, period, so its such a joy to see her in that state around me! I read Fran's recent blog entry (blog link is on my navigation bar, I thoroughly recommend clicking on it) about a discussion between her and Hannah about UDT and doing things for/with the horse rather than to or to change your horse and it really got me thinking. Whilst I was sat with Lily reflecting, I realised that I don't want Lily to change; she's perfect already. What I want to change is her perceptions of me by increasing my Savvy and proving that I am a good leader - to do this I need to change myself. As you can tell, in such a long time sat with Lily, I thought a lot about our relationship, my dreams with her and how to always better my best - it did me the world of good. I now have a lot more clarity and I definitely saw Lily mentally yield and start enjoying having me around. At the end, I turned her out and ducked under the fence so that I purposefully left first. However I was on the side of the fence that was in the other field and I needed to cross the field she was in to get to the car. I gathered my stuff and climbed under the fence again about 5 minutes later and she instantly pricked her ears and walked upto me enthusiasticly; it made my day and made it all worthwhile just to see that shift in her in such a short time! =D |
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| Tired of Negativity! |
| I am so tired of negativity and it especially got right under my skin today. So after thinking about it and talking it over with one of my most positive friends, Josh, I had a brainwave and thusly have made a decision. Every time I hear, think or say anything negative, I will counterbalance it with two positive things. It'll take a while for it to become a proper habit but so long as I try to do it when things are really getting me down, it'll make a big difference. And if I still don't feel positive or even neutral, I'll just keep naming more! Sure its not a fool-proof plan but it'll aid in gaining emotional fitness and I know that given the choice I'd rather be positive than negative. :) |
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| Today's lesson with Arran was interesting and really helped to add Savvy arrows to my quiver as always. I started off by showing him that I'd been able to hold the 22ft line over and around her HQs and he noticed that although she was tolerating it, she wasn't learning that it was something not to be afraid of. So more, more and more friendly game was what most of the lesson consisted of! It was tough at times for me physically and mentally and emotionally for Lily, but after a good while I could easily touch her HQs and above her hind leg hocks with the CS whilst driving her. We then played with purity of gait, asking her to be more left brain whilst trotting which was also tough for the both of us. I had a big BFO moment that I was holding the rope too firmly and as soon as I let up, she stopped leaning against the halter as much. After a few calm strides of trot, I'd draw her in and rest. I have to play with both these concepts for the next 5-6 sessions and it'll help our relationship and progress come on in leaps and bounds which is great. She did really well considering it was a rather testing play for her. I'm pretty excited to see just how much better she'll be with both these tasks once we've played with them consistently for a little while! |
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 Please click on above image for full sized version of my recent painting of Lily. If you are interested in my work and would like a piece done, I have reasonable prices and I'm a perfectionist!
I had a nice play with Lily today, advanced a bit more with holding the 22ft line around her hindquarters and I was also trying to refine out porcupine game by tying the savvy string around her neck and asking her to follow a feel, lead by the leg etc. and she did really well. I would elaborate more but that is basically it! Lesson with Arran tomorrow morning and I can't wait. :) |
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| More Friendly, Friendly, Friendly! |
Still our weakest game and it needs to be our strongest!
It's about 30-40% perhaps and it needs to be 90-100%!!
She caught me well today as soon as she realised I had my Parelli 'fannypack' on which is always full of carrots or treats, little tubby. And, as we were just chilling out and playing friendly with the halter, Molly reached over and bit Lily on the bum so I grabbed the end of the 12ft line and started swinging it to drive her away. This alarmed Lily and she thought I was driving her away to so she followed Molly with a glazed eye. I tried walking alongside and rubbing her to a halt and wiggling the rope a little but she only really snapped out of it when I porcupined her hindleg over to disengage. I thought "Oh boy!" and for the next 10 minutes or so I played friendly game, whirling the end of my 12ft line around and above my head until she made a mental yield and decided that this was of no threat to her. Cool beans!
Then, I had to go to the gateway to pick up my CS and 22ft line and she was very hesitant about going over there with many thresholds. So we played falling leaf over towards it until she licked and chewed and squeezed between the gate and I calmly. I then picked up my stuff, changed the ropes and she was stood at a funny angle, I knew if I tried walking off as she was stood she would easily be able to run over me. So I porcupined her back a few steps and then moved, just as I thought, she moved off hastily and I didn't want her to become a runaway train so I walked straight forwards, driving her zone 3 with my CS and for about 20metres she was doing a responsive, calm but elevated sideways without a fence. It was awesome!
After that, I decided to do some more Friendly Game using the Carrotstick and Savvy string and continue playing with getting her more confident in zone 4, that went well. I also started rhythmically smacking the ground with the string about a metre away from her and at first, she was pretty tense but once she realised it was just the Friendly Game; all was good. Throughout the session there was just loads of Friendly-related licking and chewing which I was really happy about.
To finish, she just put the icing on the cake - we had a fab time driving in zone 5 at walk, a little trot, halt and had a very responsive back by the tail! We still have to use the fence but she was just so responsive and willing that I was able to back her using just a little chunk of her massive tail and phase 1. A great play session with a lot of love in the air, it being Valentine's and all.
Have a great day and go out and show your equines just how much you love them! ;] |
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| Friendly Friendly Friendly! |
Today I woke up and the sun was shining so I sprung out of bed, chucked my horsey-clothes on and went to go play with my Lilygirl! It was so mild that after about 5 minutes up there, I took off my raincoat and Lily went a bit RB because of the noise and flapping so I thought 'oh boy!' and spent a while doing raincoat Friendly Game/desensitisation and it went really well. Afterwards, I could really shake it and make some noise within a metre of her and rub her with it, something I would have never been able to do months ago!
We then played the squeeze game around my bareback pad on the floor and I sent her to it, she was a lot more confident then last time and quickly relaxed as I played Friendly Game and put it on her. I then played the Friendly Game with my Carrot-stick and Savvy String because I knew it would make a weird noise being drawn back against the bareback pad and Lily reacted better than I expected her to. Alately, when I have been using the CS and SS combo to play the Friendly-Game after a good effort, she has actually been relaxing, blinking and stretching downwards which is something she'd have never done previously. Perhaps she's finally accepting and trusting my tools, yay!
I then delved into refining our sideways game a bit, I didn't do too much on it but I just asked for a few good steps at phase 1-2 and quit, Lily did really well.
Then to finish off I played extreme friendly, trying to get Lily more confident with our Driving the forequarters and I did it so well that then she was the opposite and was difficult to yield, always the way, lol. We'll work more on that but I guess I'd rather have her being unresponsive rather than over-reacting.
After hanging out for a bit, spending some UDT together, the heavens opened and it absolutely bucketed it down. Time for me to go home! :) |
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Today was a good play session despite how cold the snow make the ropes and thusly my hands, ouch! Lily was easier to encourage to catch me than Wednesday but still not 100%, this shows that our relationship has been altered slightly now I am asking more of her. This is not because I am task orientated, quite the contrary, but I am asking her to do more so she can build her confidence in the long run and make life a bit easier for me! It means that temporarily she won't be sure as to how much she can trust me but, with Lily, you could say that'll always be present for quite some time yet because of her baggage.
We started with a bit of moseying and she still wasn't happy with the 22ft line dragging behind her and when asked to stop, she'd stop and move herself round to try and put the line in zone 1. I can only think that the more we play using the 22ft line, the easier that'll get. She was especially reluctant to move over it so I played Friendly Game on the move in zone 4 and as she moved round, she had to step over it, by the end of it she barely noticed it was on the ground because I was putting her mind on something else. The Friendly Game is zone 4 is still iffy and zone 5 even more so, I didn't attempt any FGs for long in her zone 5 because the more confident she gets in zone 4, zone 5 will become easier. We made most progress with FG in zone 4 when at a stand still, each time her face softened and her head lowered, I retreated and she understood pretty quickly. Then the little 'issue' was that she'd startle each time I lifted the Carrot-stick to play the FG so I stuck with that for a while until she was more comfortable/confident when I raised it. Our Friendly Game still isn't great but its getting better all the time and will always be a work-in-progress, it all comes down to the FG.
After that we then moved onto driving in zone 4 and Arran's homework was for me to hold the 22ft line so there was a bit of slack in the outside hand and I brought the rest of the 22ft line over her wither and around her hindquarters and hold it in place gently with my inside hand. I didn't decide to go the whole hog and try to put the line all the way around her HQ because that would've surely set me up for failure. Instead I made a loop and only held it this far down her back:
 (Sorry for the poor quality of the pic and I apologise to Lily because she doesn't have a sheath as depicted here!)
At first, she wasn't overly sure, was a bit quick on her feet and was worried backing up but after about 5 minutes on both sides; she was great! Next session I will place the rope there again but put it further back as she gets used to it more. I doubt I'll have it around the bum in time for next lesson (17th) but at least I'll have made progress.
On that positive note, I spent 10 minutes UDT then a further 5 at liberty. I sometimes do the extra 5 at liberty when I'm curious as to her feedback, if the session has been too much for her, she'll walk right off. Today she stood by me the whole time and followed me as I went out the field, just little things such as leaving before she does when she's loose will improve my draw and catching for tomorrow. If she left before me, she would be seen as alpha and be scoring points and I can guarantee that catching her the next time will be tough. Never a dull moment with ponies! :) |
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This is Lily's most recent horsenality chart (click to enlarge). I've also charted her in the 5 LtheL areas and filled these cups as a result of it:
 So as you can see, her confidence is lacking mostly in her environment, she's very sensitive towards changes within the environment or a change of environment itself. This is usually where she will show her RBe side, its her 'go to' horsenality when she is lacking confidence and feels too much pressure.
I also thought about her temperament which I would say is a medium-hot, her spirit level is a medium-high one and she is a 'long horse' i.e. her impulsion is high and she could run a long while without stopping if she was really scared. So, although she can easily go introverted, I would say she is more of an extrovert on the whole or an introvert who likes to move her feet.
Managed to have a good few hours playing with her this morning and the session went well but I'll post more on that later/tomorrow. |
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| Car is snowed in... Again. Dangit. =( |
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We've had the most snow we've had in a few years now and couldn't get the car off the driveway until today!
Lily wasn't where she was emotionally and mentally from where we last left it... Oh boy? lol, it took me about 15 minutes to have her catch me and it was all very right-brain, snorty and basically back to square 1 but thankfully I was not! So I just advanced and retreated and swapped my 12ft line to a savvy string so I could play the friendly game easier once she was close enough and she wasn't so bad after a little bit of a hop, skip and a snort.
We took it easy, moseyed once I'd put the 22ft line on, then played friendly game with the bareback pad and then groomed for the first time in ages, her mane is so long now! After I turned her out, I played the catching game again just to end things on a solid note and she seemed okay, not great but good enough. Its always something else to work on as we go on, it seems to be since I've been turning up with a saddle or bareback pad so instead of not doing that, I'll do it more. Oh boy, always something to work on! |
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My name is Lucy Middleton, I'm 17 years old and from the United Kingdom.
I started Parelli in January 2008 and it has been an incredible journey so far.
Pre-Parelli I did the best with what I knew but now I know better; I want to do better!
This is my blog to document my progress as a natural horseman.
Want to 'follow' my blog, fellow blogspotters? Add my url to your list on your dashboard to stay upto date!
View my profile
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I am owned by this gorgeous piebald cob mare, Lily. She's an interesting character, fun to play with and is a great teacher.
There's more about her on her own page.
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It's not about disposable horses; it's about relationships for life.
It's not about quick fixes and artificial aids, it's about savvy; true understanding and expertise.
It's not about winning and others losing; It's about win-win: you and the horse need to feel good.
It's not about me me me; It's about changing the world for horses, becoming a person of knowledge and influence, and sharing what you know.
It's not about fear and doubt; It's about unconditional love and trust.
Love for the empowerment of others and trust that you'll never ask the horse to do something that would hurt or diminish his dignity.
Reveal your horse. Discover your potential. Live your dream.
-Parelli
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Profile designed, made and coded by Lucy Parelli Student.
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